Zach and Miri Make a Porno

I love Kevin Smith. I really do. I've even watched his 2-disc dvd movie of him doing nothing but talking at colleges. He's a funny guy. I LOVE Clerks. I even admit to really enjoying Mallrats. Chasing Amy was kind of blah, but compared to Jersey Girl, it was amazing. Jay and Silent Bob strike back was entertaining, but not really that good. So basically, Kevin Smith's films are gradually decreasing in value. I was really hoping that pairing Kevin Smith with the star of of Knocked Up would actually produce something worth watching. I was wrong.

Okay, so Zach (Seth Rogan) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks) are WAY behind on their bills. So they come up with the idea to make a porno (starring themselves) to make rent money. So they gather some people (picture below) and go about making probably the worst porn movie ever.


Things I liked about this movie:
-Darryl from The Office is in it.
-Miri crochets! I am a geek and I actually noticed this because I crochet, but the scarves, hats, blankets, shaws, were all hand crocheted. I want half of those scarves that Miri wears.
-Jason Mewes. I really enjoy him. The guy really just plays himself more than any character, but he's good at playing himself and he's funny.
-The scene were Zach tries to play a delivery man in the porno is hilarious.

Things I Did Not Like About This Movie:
-What movies like Knocked Up and Superbad had that this one didn't was restraint. Those movies were definitely not for the easily offended, but Zach and Miri was borderline uncomfortable to watch at times.
-Using slang words for the male anatomy ceases to be funny by the 50th time. There should actually be a joke. Just the word isn't funny unless you're 12.

Anyways, it wasn't all bad, but it wasn't up to par to early Kevin Smith films OR the Judd Apatow comedies that Seth Rogan usually stars in. I laughed, I cringed, but I don't think I will be adding Zach and Miri to my dvd collection.

City of Ember

Okay, so I haven't read the book. In fact, I'd never even heard of the book until I saw a preview for the movie. However, I was intrigued. The movie centers around Doon and Lina, inhabitants of Ember. Over 200 years previous, mankind was forced to live underground. They wrote escape plans in order for future inhabitants to be able to get back to the surface when they felt it would be safe. So they locked the plans in a metal box and set a timer for 200 years. However, the box was lost and Lina found it. With Doon's help, they try and escape from Ember.


What I liked about this movie:
-The beginning was a little slow, but once the action started, it really picked up and didn't stop for the rest of the movie.
-I love movies where the characters have to figure out puzzles and clues.
-Bill Murray is awesome as the corrupt mayor.


Things I didn't like about this movie:
-That freaking mutant mole thing. I guarantee you that thing will be in my nightmares. There is no way a kid could watch that movie and not cry. I closed my eyes anytime that thing was on the screen. That is one of the most terrifying things I have ever seen.
-They never really explained the mutantly large animals (the moth, the beetle claw-thing, and the mole creature). I assumed we'd go more into depth with this when they reached the surface, but they didn't. Maybe the sequels of the books go into that more.

My Top 15 Movies (in no particular order)

This is my list of my top fifteen movies. The ones that I can (and do) watch over and over again, sometimes in one sitting. Pretty much no one agrees with me on any of these, but oh well, I like them.

Session 9:

It took me months to gather the courage to even watch this movie. The BOX scares the hell outta me. But something fascinates me about abandoned, old mental asylums. They're so creepy. And this was filmed in a real one, so I had to see it. It might not be the best movie ever, but it really does creep me out, even after watching it ten times.

Empire Records:
I just love this movie. It's probably one of the best "90's" movies there is. The 90's clothes, the 90's music....it's just fun. And Lucas is probably one my favorite characters ever. Seriously, watch this movie and just TRY to not repeat lines from it for the rest of your life.

Welcome to the Dollhouse:

Welcome to the Dollhouse is my favorite movie ever. I love everything that director Todd Solondz does, but this one is definitely the best. People either love or hate the guy and his movies definitely aren't for everyone. I have honestly watched this movie three or four times in a row before. It never gets old. I probably have it memorized. It's just that amazing.

Labyrinth:
Okay, I know, I have a slight bias for this movie because David Bowie happens to be in it. HOWEVER, I did like this movie before I even knew who David Bowie was. You cannot beat 80's fantasy. You just can't. This movie is just timeless. Every kid should grow up on stuff like this.

Love, Ludlow:
I randomly watched this movie because my favorite actor, Brendan Sexton III, is in it. I try and watch everything that he is in. That is why five of his films are in my top 15 (Bonus points if anyone knows all five). He does AMAZING films and he's a phenomenal actor. I might be the only person on earth who has actually seen this movie. It's stayed relatively unknown since it's release in 2005. If you can get your hands on a copy, it's one of the few not-boring-as-hell independent films that feature only 3 characters.

A Perfect World:
It took me YEARS to track this movie down after I saw it at a slumber party in 6th grade. I know, not really a slumber party movie, but anyways, I saw it, loved it, and forgot the name. I finally tracked it down in high school on VHS and then bought the DVD when my brother (who doesn't watch movies much) stole my VHS. I dare anyone to watch this and not bawl like a baby.

Heathers:
Seriously, why don't they make movies like this anymore?? Oh right, a movie like this today would get SLAUGHTERED if they tried to release it. It requires a sick sense of humor, but trust me, it's worth it. Dead classmates, suicides, and school bombs have never been this funny. As Veronica puts it, "My teenage angst bullshit has a body count". That pretty much sums up the movie.

Jurassic Park:
My boyfriend is apparently the only person on earch that was born before 1993 and has not seen Jurassic Park. Don't worry, I'm working on that. I remember watching this is school in 3rd grade and having nightmares for a month. I still blame it for my abnormal fear of dinosaurs in the woods. Remember the days when they could show whatever movies they wanted to grade schoolers?? It might have given me nightmares, but this movie is a freakin classic! It still scares the hell outta me and makes me jump. I still get anxious when they're being chased. You can't help but get into this movie when you watch it.

Kids:
Wow. Another great 90s film. Every kid and every parent should have to watch this movie. Although not together maybe. That could be really awkward. It's the most brutally honest, raw depiction of teenagers that I've ever seen on film.

Clerks.:
One of the best dialogue-driven movies ever. I know, a lot of Clerks fans are idiots and/or nerds, but you have to admit, it's pretty funny and the dialogue is so well written. Unfortunately, Kevin Smith's films have slowly went downhill after Clerks. At least in my opinion. I liked Mallrats (although most people apparently didn't), didn't like Chasing Amy (although most people actually did), and I'm not even going to discuss Jersey Girl.

Boys Don't Cry
I finally got around to watching this movie last year. I can't believe I never picked it up before. Hilary Swank is amazing. Knowing that it is based on a true story makes some of the scenes even harder to bear. This is a hard film to watch, but well worth it.

Donnie Darko:
I wrote a paper on this movie for my college film class. Trust me, if you need to fill up three pages about a movie, this is the movie to do it on. You could write a book trying to explain the plot of Donnie Darko and probably still not get it. It ALMOST makes sense. Oh and watch the Director's cut. It makes more sense and it will save you all the hours of Internet research trying to figure some stuff out.

Bang Bang You're Dead:
Ben Foster is the god of acting. Right under Brendan Sexton III. I think this movie should be mandatory for students entering high school to watch. I make everyone I know watch my DVD of this. This is one of the most emotional, honest portrayals of school violence and bullying that I have ever seen.

The Ballad of Jack and Rose:
I wasn't expecting much when I popped this movie into my DVD player. Figured it would be kinda boring. It absolutely blew me away. I was glued to the screen. I did a review of it a few months back, so go check that out and watch it.

The NeverEnding Story:
Ah, 80s fantasy. I had a baby-sitter who had older kids, so even though I was really young in the 80s, we watched all these movies on VHS that were her kids. We must have watched this movie a hundred times. We'd watch it over and over and over.

Into the Wild

I've been lucky to see some amazing films lately. The perks of living in LA I guess. Anyways, Into the Wild (directed by Sean Penn) is one of the best movies I've seen lately. It's the true story of Chris McCandless, a college graduate who gave his life savings to charity and hitchhiked to Alaska to live in a van in the wilderness.

Things I liked about this movie:
-Being almost 2 and half hours long and with only one main character, it had the potential to be very boring. However, it wasn't at all.
-Emile Hirsch makes McCandless so likeable. By the end, you are so connected to his character that it makes the ending that much harder to watch.
-The Alaskan wilderness cinematography is phenomenally beautiful.

Things I didn't like about this movie:
-Naked, middle-aged hippies. Yuck.

I usually can tell if I really liked a movie if it sticks in my head for days afterwards. This movie did just that. In fact, it is still in my head and I saw it a month ago.

Lars and the Real Girl

Okay, so I loved this movie. Ryan Gosling is amazing as usual. Lars is a guy who is lonely. So he orders a life-like doll off the internet to be his girlfriend, Bianca. Of course his family and everyone else thinks he's insane. But this movie actually has heart. It's funny, but sad at the same time when you find out more about why Lars has such intimacy issues.

What did I like about this movie?
-Ryan Gosling. He is always amazing, but he fit this role so well.
-For it being about a sex doll, it wasn't full of sleazy jokes and innuendo, which I feel would have taken away from the heart of the story.
-I love when actors can convey so much through simple facial expressions. The expressions on the faces of people and his family members when he brings Bianca around are priceless.

What didn't I like about this movie?
-That more people haven't seen it!

Seriously, it's a great movie. Go see it.

Session 9

It's almost Halloween, so I'm gonna talk about The Creepiest Movie Ever. Yes. It deserves capitalization. I'm not one for horror movies, mostly because I can't stomach blood and gore. So it literally took me months to get up the nerve to watch this movie. I was intrigued by the plot since it takes place in an abandoned mental asylum...and I'm fascinated by urban exploration and abandoned buildings for some reason.

That's Danvers. It's and ENORMOUS former mental asylum in Massachussetts. Basically, these HAZMAT guys are hired to get rid of asbestos in this old building. They start exploring and go crazy. I would to if I was stuck in that creepy, giant building.

See? You could pretty much not even have people in this movie and I'd be scared to death. That building is so damn creepy.

So things I liked about this movie:
-Scared me without having blood and guts thrown everywhere.
-Josh Lucas plays a good redneck asshole...much better than a pretty boy in a chick flick
-Brendan Sexton III...amazing as always. I love him and his films. Even if he does have a mullet in this movie.
-Is there ANYTHING creepier than those audio reels of old psychiatric exams of a girl with Multiple Personality Disorder?? Seriously. Watch it.

Things I didn't like about this movie:
-It's not for everyone. Either you love it or you hate it. A couple of my friends hated it. Just a warning.
-Don't watch it with idiot friends who think it's funny to call you in the middle of the night quoting Simon. Watch the movie and you'll know what I'm talking about.

New Todd Solondz Movie!!

AHH! I just found out that Todd Solondz is making another movie. It's supposed to tie in with Happiness and Welcome to the Dollhouse (my favorite movie of all time).

King of Kong: A Fistful Of Quarters

So this movie is seriously amazing. It's a documentary about who is the reigning champion of Donkey Kong.

Basically, this guy above, Billy Mitchell, has been the reigning champion of Donkey Kong since the early 80's. You seriously have to watch this movie just to see him and his hair. He is so weird. Basically what you'd expect from a guy who spent his entire life playing an arcade game.

However, then this guy Steve (above) comes into the picture. He has a video tape that shows him beating Billy Mitchell's top score. So now we have a problem. Who is the real champion of Donkey Kong? You'd be surprised at how seriously some people take this.

So, Steve Weibe challenged Billy Mitchell to a Donkey Kong combat. You gotta watch this so see how these two grown men act about this. It's so funny. Basically, Billy Mitchell is the worst. The other guy is actually pretty normal.

Seriously people, watch this movie. It's coming to theaters on limited release soon.

Superbad

Okay, so I figured this movie would be mediocre at best...but I was surprised at how funny it actually was. Basically, these two high school seniors (Jonah Hill and Michael Cera) decide that they need to get girls before they go off to college. They decide to impress them by buying alcohol for the girl's party, even though they're all underage. One of their friends has a horribly made fake-ID which they try to use...and of course everything goes wrong and hilarity ensues.

Things I liked:
-It was hysterical...I haven's laughed that much in a movie in a long time
-Unlike most movies of this genre, the main characters actually learned a lesson by the end
-I love the home-ec scene where Seth is arguing with the teacher...Jonah Hill's delivery is amazing.

Things I hated:
-The one cop (Bill Hader) resembled one of my ex boyfriends
-The 800 penis pictures were a little disturbing...but I guess that's a guy thing because every guy in the theater thought it was hysterical.

So yeah, go see this movie. Prepare to laugh until you cry.

Thirteen

I've put off seeing this movie for a long time for some reason, but I finally rented it the other day. Evan Rachel Wood is incredible aplaying Tracy, as she meets her new friend and enters the dangerous world of drugs, sex, and crime. It's scarily accurate, because that age is usually the turning point for kids.



Things I liked about this movie:
-Very realistic
-It didn't bore me to death like a lot of these "coming-of-age" independent movies do anymore



Things that I didn't like about this movie
-Wasn't as good as Kids, but then again, that's pretty rough to top
-Holly Hunters nude scene was really pointless

The Mudge Boy

Wow...so this movie was incredibly boring. I had high hopes for it, but I had to keep myself from falling asleep until the last third of the movie where something actually happens. This is definately one of those movies that sounds much better on the Netflix summary than it actually is.



Duncan Mudge (Emile Hirsch) is a really strange kid whose only friend Perry even abuses him. Usually weird kids at least make for interesting movies. Not this one. I'm not even sure if there was a plot to this movie. Duncan's mother died and he starts wearing her clothes, which sounds interesting at least, but somehow this movie even makes that boring. ***SPOILER*** Even when the rape happened, I felt it was more for shock value than anything else. I guess they did such a bad job making you connect with the characters, that it wasn't as emotional as it should have been. Even when he killed his only friend, his chicken. It should have been really sad for the viewer, but it really didn't have the impact it should have. It just seemed thrown in for shock value. ***END SPOILER***



I read that The Mudge Boy is a "remake" of a short film called Fishbelly White. I would like to see the short film because I think that this movie would be much better as a short film. On the whole, the film has a tragic, but good story. But as a full length film, it's just boring. Not recommended, but if you happen to come across Fishbelly White, it's probably worth a viewing.

Disturbia

I finally saw Disturbia last night, after it was sold out the first time I went. I was actually pleasantly surprised. I was expecting one of the typical PG-13 thrillers that seem to come in bulk anymore. I actually see how Disturbia managed to rule the box office for the past two weekends.



Kale (Shia LaBeouf) gets put on house arrest for the summer after knocking out his Spanish teacher. After a few days inside the house, he gets really bored and starts spying on the neighbors, including the ones who just moved in next door. And they just happen to have an exhibitionist teenage daughter, Ashley (Sarah Roemer). I was not particularly fond of Ashley. I failed to see her appeal. She shrived on the attention she got from Kale and his friend Ronnie, which she demonstrates by changing clothes in her room with all the windows open and swimming regularly. Besides the fact that she had a great body that she liked to show off, I didn't think she was that attractive, but to each their own I guess.



Disturbia was insanely suspenseful towards the end when one of the neighbors turns out to be a serial killer. I would recommend not watching this on a weekend because you'll have to listen to 13-year-old girls scream every five seconds. We watched it on a Monday night and we had no disruptions. Definitely one of the better thrillers to come out lately.

Premonition

My friend and I wanted to check out Disturbia this weekend, but it was sold out for the second weekend in a row. So we ended up seeing Premonition. I like Sandra Bullock. I like thrillers. Even if it's really stupid, at least it's not a chick flick. Well, we both came out of the movie having no idea what just happened.

Sandra Bullock plays a lady who finds out her husband dies, but when she wakes up, he's alive. The next day when she wakes up, he's dead again, and so on for about a week. It's extremely confusing and it really bothered me that this lady never felt the need until the very end to ask anyone what day it is. So it's virtually impossible for most of the movie to try and create a timeline in your head. It might have made more sense...maybe.



*******SPOILERS*********
So if anyone understands how she got pregnant from having sex on Saturday, then wakes up on the Wednesday before pregnant, please explain this to me Technically, it didn't happen yet, right? I don't know. Maybe I got the whole ending totally wrong, but that's what I got out of it.
******END SPOILERS*****

So, it was good for maybe a free rental or something. Don't pay $7 to see it in the theatre.

Also, the movie poster really bothers me. I don't think it looks like it has anything to do with the movie.